super decathlon

hi everyone, today let's go for a new video off topic. this time, let's go back in time with a special video about super-heroes. when we talk about super-heroes series, we mostly think of the ones from the 90's. for example, the excellent batman series which i already talked about, with a scenario by paul dini. he also wrote the screenplay of arkham asylum and arkham city. this batman series even invented things, such as the harley quinn character. at the same period, from dc comics, there were also the superman series and the justice league series. which are both excellent series. from marvel, at the same period, there was nice stuff.

spiderman, the x-men, ... which are also both very good series even if in my opinion, they're not as good as the batman series. so, before to talk about the real superheroes, the ones from the comics, let's talk about the ones which were a pain in the ass! let's talk about captain planet. [credits] captain planet ! captain planet !! captain planet !!! captain pl...

ok, stop! right, i got it now! so, captain planet, the adventures of five teenagers coming from all over the world to whom the goddess of the earth, gaia, gave five rings to save the earth from pollution. seriously, i hate these series which are trying to make you do things! i mean all right! that's ok now! we're all responsible after all! aaaah! [blowing his nose] so, each episode will work the same way. a bad guy pollutes because... he's a bad guy.

[cartoon] ugh! i hate this healthy and pure air! [fred] which is stupid, as no one will pollute only to pollute, it doesn't make any sense! the planeteers try to stop him but are not able to do it. in the meantime, gaia visibly chose the most incompetent guys in the world! such as in this episode in which a polluting cloud attacks a bus [cartoon] and i say this cloud wasn't a natural one! oh really? and how can you tell? [fred] because it had eyes! (player) because it was lying on a bus!

[seb] because it tried to kill kids in a schoolbus by breaking the axles! [fred] anyway, in the scenario of each episode, after a few minutes they call captain planet who arrives to beat the bad guy and that's it! that's over! here is the usual construction of most of captain planet episodes, right... until then, it's ok. the problem comes when the authors take an interest in some subjects in which they obviously don't master anything! let's talk about this wonderful - but totally forbidden - thing named: drugs.

the episode begins with a teen running in the streets and with a voice over explaining that he just moved into a new town and that it's a little difficult for him because he doesn't know anyone here and so... drugs !!!!!! wow! that's the fastest introduction to a problem i've ever seen! i mean... well, drugs, that's a slope, an accumulation of problems which will make you fall into this, but it's not like : [seb] oh shit i can't find my keys! i can't find my keys! no, no, no... drugs!!!!! [fred] and even more, he's not like beginning slowly!

he's like, ok, i'm gonna see the mutant rat in a dark alley and i take the bag full of shiny yellow pills! so then we meet up with the blond girl who was actually the cousin of the young guy we saw just before who, because of drugs, is now wearing sunglasses and t-shirts with skulls! [seb] it disgusts me! [fred] and because of drugs, the cousin has become irresponsible and set fire to the house! aaaargh! it's a disaster! oh my god, what are we gonna do? the firemen! call 911! and i have to call the insurance! oh no, finally, it's sunny! let's go for a bike ride! come on, cousin!

ah ah ah! aren't we having fun? and in the meantime, would you like to take some druuuuuuuuuugs!!!!!! wow, shit, that was a bit too fast! i mean, he's not just offering a spliff to a friend who would be already a bit high! she's family! hi grandpa, would you like to go for a bike ride? hum? and to have some druuuuuugs!!!! look at this, he's so high that his t-shirt changes colour by itself! anyway... thanks to a clever ploy, he finally manages to drug his cousin!

i don't know, i don't understand... i don't see any explanation... there is no reason why he would try to drug his pretty blond cousin girl! you're disgusting ! anyway, at the same time on the hope island... yeah... gaia reveals to the planeteers the consequences of drugs: washington was destroyed! seb! put this out! didn't you hear what she said? [seb] come on, that's only...

ok!! [fred] so the planeteers decide to help those poor victims of drugs by burning them all!!!! burn and die, you bloody junkie! and from then, this episode becomes a zombie movie. people begin to attack the planeteers the blond girl's cousin hurts himself when trying to jump by a window and begins to bleed out and here the black guy comes to help him and... oh, non, he's not helping, forget what i said and finally, of course, at the end, the blond girl's cousin

understands that in reality, drugs are bad! and he learnt a lesson, he will never be using again! no, i'm kidding! he dies! in great pain! that's not a joke he's... dead! wait a minute...really! he's definitely dead! i mean... because of an overdose? wow! i mean, this is real death! i dunno! he could have fainted and then comes back at the end of the episode

saying: i learnt my lesson! but no! they call captain planet and say "yeah!!! go captain planet!" with still the cousin's body at their feet and finally they leave his corpse on the edge of a building and run off. anyway, moral of the episode... [seb] never use drugs! [fred] no! never move house! anyway, now, let's talk about the real super-heroes, the ones from the comics! what i really loved about these series was that the credits were always so badass...

[credits batman] [fred and seb] yeah!!! [credits x-men] [credits hulk] [credits fantomette] ... [fred] so, for this episode we're going back to a time when the russians were bad guys the end of the 60s'! credits! two things happened at the same time in the 60s'

hollywood falls down et gets replaced by the tv democratisation which explains the apparition of so many series such as the invicible iron man or captain america actually, most of these series were motion-comics and not real cartoons we also had the fantastic four, and i won't talk about it because it's a bit boring but the credits of the fantastic four are... fantastic! [seb] well done! [credits the fantastic four]

[credits] richard and his massive arms! ben grim, the rock -man! johnny the human torch! susan in her protective field! [fred] for the lights, jean-paul! and for the sound, maxime! anyway, this times gave us many unforgettable credits and series ! see the spiderman series of 1967 well-known as it is a great source of memes on the internet

[cartoon] back working for jameson's newspaper! mysterious lights... [fred] stop talking to yourself [cartoon] the only lights i saw are glow-worms! fasten your seat belts! [fred] stop talking to yourself! [cartoon] it's shining! maybe these are the mysterious lights? [fred] shut the fuck up!!!! oh gosh! i hate this series!

the characters keep on talking to themselves to explain what is happening to the viewers! moreover, it's very badly animated! the only positive side is that we find all the characters of the comic! doctor octopus with his tracksuit coming from decathlon! or "pierre" parker! yes "pierre" parker because in french, names are also translated! and the actors dubbing the french version probably had their soul stolen... [cartoon] too late, spider! you will pay a lot if you hurt her, octo.

spider, how did you get caught? [fred] ahhh... do you feel the danger and the panic in this dialogue? well, this series accumulates all kinds of problems! eeeeh!!! grrrrr!!!! bad guy!!!! anyway, even if this series was quite bad at least it tried to respect the comics! and then came japan. well, you know the story! peter parker is bitten by a radioactive spider and so he gets the spiderman powers...

what? that's not the right story? eh non, that's not the right story! because we're in japan! so the story begins hum... in space, with a lion-head spaceship named marveller and it's watched by two aliens who want to kill the professor yamashiro because he could discover the truth that, in reality, they are the leaders of the iron-cross army, planning to invade earth so here the girl puts a shirt and takes bunkuryu, the small modeling clay robot-dinosaur. meanwhile on earth, during the shooting of an episode... druuuuuuuuuuugs!!!!!!!

oh shut up! that's already very complicated! so meanwhile on earth, during the shooting of an episode of the series "turbo" the spaceship crashes in a mountain! and then there is this man fixing a motorbike and uh.... wait a minute, isn't she the alien? wait! why is the other gal acting like she knows her? that's the girl who was on the spaceship just before! and who's that ? i... i don't understand anything! but whatever, look at them! it's so difficult to recognize them, they all look the s...this joke was cancelled so then, the two girls go with the old man in the mountain

to look for the giant robot that we saw at the beginning, who crashed down followed by the bad girl who wants to invade earth and by the modeling clay dinosaur! meanwhile the biker is hearing voices when the fuck are you gonna stop these close-ups? well then, the hero's father that i forgot the name hum anyway i think that's the hero's father, who dies! and then he meets an alien... who dies too... and who asks him to get revenge from the professor monster in his space ship! ok, right, the spaceship was managed by the professor monster! i get it!

yes, that's logical! and what the hell am i supposed to do with that? oh no, right, here he is! look, here comes spiderman! the explanation is that the alien's planet's name is the spider planet! then, now, everything is logical! anyway, from this moment, the episode becomes a real giant mind-fuck! wait, what the hell is this arrival? and, of course, spiderman implies... giant robots.

so he's fighting with a giant robot! and he leaves in his spider-car! and that's it! that's the end of the episode. so conclusion of all this: excuse me, are you japanese? [japanese girl] hai! [fred] here, we talked about marvel, so now, let's talk about dc comics! with batman, probably the most loved super-hero of all the super-heroes! batman had a lot of adaptations, from the one of 1943 in which batmant had a wonderful costume

from the very famous series in the 60s' to the lasts ova which keep on coming out by the way, concerning the batman series of the 60s' there was a full-length feature film made from this and i think that it's important to talk about it so that you understand the progress that was made between this: and this: [batman] turn yourselves now! you criminals!

[fred] so the movie begins by a voice-over explaining that a weapon was stolen and taken on this boat batman and robin decide to go after it, so they use the helicopter [seb] no! the batcopter! [fred] all right then, the batcopter, so they fly above gotham everyone is very happy, and robin takes advantage of the flight to hit on girls or on the guy it seems... whatever, when they arrive above the boat, batman tries to jump on it, using the ladder... [seb] no! the bat-ladder!

[fred] that's only a ladder, nothing more.... but surprisingly, the boat disappears and batman is attacked by the less dangerous shark in the world! never complain about a batman movie after that. and here comes a terrible battle... oh shit, seriously? they could have at least taken out the rubber noises when he hits it, dunno... anyway, hopefully batman always has in his helicopter a shark repellent spray what? no use filming me! what do you want me to add? it's a shark repellent spray!

he even has one for whales... animal which only eats plankton... and then, finally, the shark gives up, falls and... explodes? shit! that's only the 9th minutes of the movie! back in gotham where, after the press conference batman, robin, commissioner gordon and the other guy that i don't have any idea who it is decide to look for who might be behind the disappearance of the ship and so the decide to check on the list of all the super-criminals who are free with a small comment for each by all of them!

[gordon] the penguin! this monster walking like a duck puffing up his feathers brandishing millions of trapped umbrellas [robin] the joker! [policeman] this diabolical clown, the crime prince! if i had won a dollar each time he tricked me, i'd be rich! the riddler is free too? [batman] looks like it! free to send us his awful riddles! [robin] oh gosh! the cat-woman! [seb] she's....

oh shit! [fred] and then, we have one of the best deduction scene of this movie! i remind you that batman is meant to be the best detective in the world! but before to watch, here are some security advice [voice over] ladies and gentlemen! the following scene doesn't make any sense. before to watch it, you can drop your brain on the right

or on the left. please fasten your seatbelts. [gordon] it could be one of them, but which one? mystery! or maybe, which ones? [batman] think that a fish grapped my foot above the ocean [gordon] where there are fishes, there are penguins! [robin] but careful! fishes are the favourite meal of cats! it may be the cat-woman!

[batman] yes! and this trapped shark was... like poker gamble to take me out! [gordon] the joker! [policeman] all this makes a terrible riddle a riddle! the riddler! [fred] what??? [voice over] haaa! what a bad day for batman, the super detective

who falls directly at the 8th place, behind derrick and nestor burma! [fred] meanwhile the bad guys are busy doing... [joker]one joke a day! [fred] bad-guys things... batman is back to the batcave where he discovers that the fake boat was projected from a buoy! all this thanks to the batcave technology! [batman] quick! program the calculator with these factors! [robin] roger! [seb] i don't know how to use it, batman!

anyway, batman and robin decide to go check the buoy to find clues but the bad guys are waiting for them! in their bad-guys submarine! on which there are fins! manoeuvred by pirates! pirates saying yohoo! [penguin] ascent angle 3 degrees! [pirate] yohoo! ascent 3 degrees! [penguin] on earth you can lead! in the sea, you have to listen!

[fred] shut the fuck up! whatever! the bad guys use a device to hook batman and robin to the buoy, and shoot missiles on them! [robin] good heavens! what's happening? [batman] the bandits! they turned the buoy into a gigantic electro magnet! we're stuck with our belt buckles! [fred] take off your belts! [robin] oh, a torpedo!

[batman] if i succeed to reverse the polarity and to oppose it a super-energy! [together] take off your belts! [robin] another one, batman! [batman] lucky us! the battery is dead! [fred] who the hell are you? but unfortunately the bad guys manage to reach the buoy with a torpedo which explodes with batman and robin on it! [penguin] yohooo!

[joker] yohooo! oh! oh! [penguin] back to the surface, mister blue-beard, the surface! let's go feed our eyes with this awful massacre! [joker] yes! ah ah! [seb] are they dead? [fred] i hope so, i cross my fingers! [robin] ah batman! how noble was this chivalrous gesture of this porpoise! [batman] yes robin!

how noble indeed of this animal to put itself on the torpedo's trajectory it sacrified itself for us! back on the riverbank where batman phones the admiral to ask him if he recently sold a submarine. a purpoise???? la la la! did i sell a submarine recently? la la la la la! i'm stupid [admiral] answer : affirmative, batman!

we did have a submarine left over until friday! a pre-nuclear model [batman] thank you, that's enough for me! [amiral] but, batman, you suddenly sound so angry! did we do something bad by any chance? [batman] you sell a pre-nuclear submarine to someone who doesn't even leave you his adress! congratulations, admiral!the only clever reply of the movie [fred] but whatever, who cares? because in the meantime, the riddler sent them a new riddle! [policeman] what would a vegetarian do in front of a well-fried turkey?

[robin] he greedily swallows it! [fred] what?????? [policeman] of course! [batman] and number two? [gordon] what would weight 200 grams, live in a tree and be very dangerous? [robin] a sparrow holding a machine gun! [voice over] second fall for batman who loses again three places and getsbehind inspector gadget! [fred] meanwhile, the bad guys put together a plan to snatch bruce wayne

to get batman in a trap thanks to catwoman who must hit on bruce wayne on a date! this one accepts to date her without knowing that she's catwoman of course but asks anyway robin and alfred to follow them wait, what? did i just see alfred quietly driving the batmobile under everyone's eyes? excuse me, aren't you alfred, bruce wayne's butler? [seb] yes. [fred] then it means that bruce wayne is batman? [seb] no.

[fred] all right! calm down, it could have been worse. it could have been... the purpoise driving the batmobile? [catwoman] slower! make it longer... [barman] miss kitka! will you let me visit your wonderful appartment? [fred] it's a metaphora, in reality, he talks about her... [miaow!] then, meanwhile, in the car! you know, robin, i wanted to tell you since a long time

that i find your little thighs very attractive! [seb] oh, please, stop inventing things! [fred] ok, right! so the bad guys attack bruce wayne who throws a wonderful punchline: you bunch of criminals! [fred] but despite this verbal attack, the bad guys manage to master him and to snatch him... [ad] twister, let's go! giggles guaranted with twister! [fred] meanwhile, in the car...

[sexy music: gã¼nther - ding dong song] [seb] i told you to stop that! [fred] ok, all right! all right! and then, the news of this event spreads itself throughout the world! no, not this one! yes, this one. the bad guys brought bruce wayne back to their hideout, but he manages to run away avoiding at the same time a trap from the joker. in fact, we learn that obviously in batman's world, each body falling in the sea explodes!

[voice over] i, after each stunt, to relax and take some strength i drink clipton yellow, a tea for us stuntmen! [fred] bruce wayne decides then to go back dressed like batman where he was abducted. and discovers a bomb ready to explode! [batman] run, robin! [fred] and then, there is this famous scene with batman running in the streets with a bomb a very famous scene on the internet by the way! and finally, the bomb explodes with batman

but don't worry, kids! batman didn't die! [robin] batman! [batman the explorer] hello kids, guess where i am? don't you see me? look closer! i'm here! [batman] i'm here, robin! [robin] you scared me! [fred] anyway, afterwards a lot of things happen: the penguin comes to the batcave running away with the batmobile, followed by batman and robin in the helicopter

and then the riddler fire a new missile which brushes against the batcopter which falls, wriggles, returns itself... and crashes down on the ground! oh, if you like batman, please let him die! make this stop! [robin] i can't believe it! lucky us! landing on a foam rubber carpet! [seb] hum... i'm alive? [fred] now, that's it! i didn't say anything for alfred, i didn't say anything for the purpoise, i didn't say anything for the riddles

you screw up once, only once, and i'm off! right? so, the movie comes back on the riddler sending a... oh no! oh no!!!! [batman] apples? stewed apple! a kind of union, a mix! an egg? that's a natural wonder, it contains hope for the future! [robin] something representing union for the future! the organisation of the united world! [batman] precisely, robin! [voice-over] and that's the end today for batman who loses again 23 places

and falls behind scooby-doo! [fred] now, right, stop. it's over for me! anyway, if i wanted to talk about the whole movie, i would need 30 minutes more! so, here's the ending, in short! the bad guys go to the un headquarters, take out all the diplomats who absolutely don't care as they keep on talking all alone. so batman and robin run before a blue background! the pirates say yohoo! the writer of the dialogues is an asshole! paf! boom! kaboom! the puy-du-fou team won! and here, batman understands that catwoman is in reality the girl he wanted to bang 30 minutes earlier

[robin] is that possible? miss kitka! [fred] finally, they find the diplomats turned into powder they turn them back into humans, but get wrong and invert their bodies and their souls so they decide to run off discreetly by the window not to be punished for their mistake! [batman] let's leave... but without being noticed! [fred] and here, it was batman, the movies from the 60s'. conclusion of this movie: and conclusion of this whole episode on super-heroes: druuuugs [batman the explorer] find the joker, kids!

find him! where are they wherarthey